What if I don't want to be a beauty queen?

  

I enjoy magazines very much, but I don't have any subscriptions. I have yet to find a magazine that provides a happy medium between fashion and beauty, and sports or other "unladylike" topics. As an almost 20-year-old, fashion and beauty magazines want me as a reader, or at least I think I'm part of their target age range, but that's not my style, pun intended. I couldn't be further from the typical fashion magazine reader, as my daily struggle is choosing a t-shirt, not coordinating a nice outfit. There could be titles I don't know about that cover a broad range of topics to fulfill my magazine needs.

Magazine genres force readers in to gender roles. As a female, I feel like I'm overstepping some sort of line by reading Sports Illustrated, though I usually only read the issues with hockey articles. General sports magazines have a masculine feel as well. I'm not saying they should girl it up, but it's possible to soften the design, make the overall magazine more neutral. Sport specific magazines appear welcoming to me. Maybe these titles have a lesser range of readers to please, so no person is left desiring more, or maybe it's easier to please everybody because you can do so much when the focus is one sport, not several.

On the opposite end of the spectrum, we have magazines for women, clearly the work of Satan. And what topics could these girly magazines focus on? Fashion and beauty. Duh. I mean, women are clearly the only people in this world who know how to dress well and give the impression of absolute beauty, right? I guess I was born without this knowledge. I know the basics of putting together an outfit and how to use makeup. Did I miss a class for that other stuff? No, I didn't miss anything. Magazines just pigeonhole their readers. You either learn it and perfect it, or you live knowing you failed as a girl. Thanks, media!!!!

It's actually starting to offend me how fashion magazines insist women be well-dressed and seemingly perfect all the time. God forbid I violate any fashion rules. I know when I look ridiculous, but I don't need a (probably) materialistic, self-described fashionista telling me what to wear. Show me realistic outfits, makeup tutorials, or other easy how-to's. Oh, if the products used could be affordable, that'd be swell. I'm not spending copious amounts of cash to look like Emma Watson or Jennifer Lawrence, especially when it is in fact impossible to recreate their incomparable good looks.

You can't recreate this flawlessness. Both Watson and Lawrence have a team of stylists. Hair, makeup, and clothes are done by professionals, probably taking several hours. On top of the professional beauty team, the magazines definitely retouch and edit the photos. We know both women are tremendously beautiful, so why bother retouching? Such beauty is unattainable as it is, yet apparently it's okay to raise the bar even higher. I can hear all dreams of being this beautiful shatter in to tiny, tiny pieces of sadness.

Am I bitter? Probably. In my defense, this kind of bologna starts crushing dreams at an early age. Not only do teen magazines destroy confidence and self-esteem, but also foster short attention spans and create unrealistic conceptions of beauty that continue to adulthood. Celebrities on the cover of teen magazines are posed to appear nonthreatening, and give the sense that celebs are "just like you and me!". "OMG so-and-so is totally a normal person like me and not getting paid oodles of cash for coming off that way. Like, we're so similar, but I also want to be more like him/her. Clearly he/she is definitely the nicest, greatest person ever." Blah blah blah. I'm not saying celebrities aren't super sweet and nice like they appear to be, I'm just saying jerks exist. Yeah, I am bitter, but let's examine the covers of these magazines. It's fairly evident my observations are realistic.

 

Teen People come on down! You're the next contestant on "What's wrong with magazines?"! Here are my initial thoughts upon viewing this horrendous cover:

• Oh! Ashton Kutcher!
• Wait, what is this garbage?
• Ashton is clearly the cover story, but I can't stop staring at Chad & Sophia. WHAT ARE THEIR LOVE SECRETS?!
• Why are there floating heads above handsome Ashton?
• So many things are happening at once, I don't know where to look now.
• Is it necessary to have a colorful background in addition to every sub-heading being a different bright color?
• Why is drama bigger than teens changing the world? Are the readers shallow?
• Oh, a quiz. "Are you stuck up?" Yeah, that sounds like it's based on science. 
• Fashion and beauty bargains? Now we're talking.

I can't help but think the audience for Teen People is made of young girls, maybe 12-15, and these girls care more about meaningless drama that has zero effect on their future and less about teens changing the world. Then again, all the color and crowded feel of the cover indicate a short attention span. With so much going on, it's difficult to focus on one aspect of the cover without being distracted by something else. I'm trying to stare at the lovely Ashton Kutcher, but my eyes keep going down to Chad and Sophia, and up to the floating heads. That totally ruins the moment. How can I appreciate how his hand is pushing his hair back, in a nonthreatening way of course, if I keep getting sidetracked?

Popstar! might be the biggest culprit of colorful, crowded covers. I feel as though I don't need to say anything about this one because it almost speaks for itself and correlates with my previously mentioned ideas. Color can make sub-headings pop, but the bright background kind of defeats this purpose. It's definitely not necessary to have several photos clogging the cover and confusing the readers. I don't think there is a focal point here. So, I have two questions for the cover designer(s): where am I supposed to look? and why would you repeatedly create such an atrocity? (It just occurred to me that maybe this is a strategy for Popstar! to stand out. Sad, but plausible.)

There's too much going on and I believe this sort of thing is to blame for readers having short attention spans and getting distracted easily. The best way to describe teen magazine readers is to equate them to Dug, the dog from Up!

From a young age, girls are pressured to be the ideal woman who consistently looks flawless. Magazines don't help. Your option is to go full beauty queen or full tomboy in regards to which magazine you select. I'd never stopped to think about this issue before, how limited options can pigeonhole girls, but now it irks me. Gender neutral magazines could be successful if you find where interests overlap and present it in a non discriminating fashion. I see a new niche of magazines being created for those girls somewhere in between fashionista and tomboy. I'd like to be passionate about a magazine, but I haven't quite found the one for me. Maybe it has yet to be developed, or maybe I'll start it. Either way, I wish to see titles with more blending of the two extremes, beauty queen and tomboy. Ignorance was bliss, but now I've become bitter hoping for change. Fashion magazines will probably always annoy me, though I'd have less time to rant and critique if I had a decent magazine to occupy my brain.